Why?

I knew it was coming, since his birthday is in exactly 2 weeks:  the party invitation.  Then why did I get that sinking feeling as I saw the email address and read about the who, why, what, when and where?  I already have a solid excuse for not going -- I will be in Philly helping my mom recover from knee surgery.  Even if I wasn't, I would make something up.  No need to torture myself, seeing who he has moved on with, watching him drink and laugh and drink and dance and drink.  Too many bad memories and I have been feeling too good about myself lately.  I wish him well but I cannot put myself back in that place I was 2 years ago. I am afraid to even go near that place ever again.  I guess I still love him and I have no idea why or if it will ever go away.

This post was lame but at least it wasn't about exercise again, right?